There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
