I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
