So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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