Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We just shotgunned beers for America
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
