but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
