I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
