You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
