You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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