There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
