I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
