Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
