I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
