I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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