It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's intense
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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