he thought i was a dude.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
