If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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