theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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