we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
