I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
