I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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