While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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