that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
