I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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