I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
