At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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