Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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