Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
