I think I won the penis lottery.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
