He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
