I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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