How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it because I queefed?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
