Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
