She said her name was "party"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
