Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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