you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
