I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
