how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
