I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They have beer where we have blood.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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