I showed him my bush... on skype.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
