Me too!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
