I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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