are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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