i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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