oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
