I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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