I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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