You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
