I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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