I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
