you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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